this is a pretty personal post, with parts I’m almost embarrassed to talk about, and I hope you don’t mine me rambling. It’s not going to be “pinworthy” and it doesn’t have a lot of pictures but I need to talk to ya. Or just to myself. So thanks for letting me talk at my computer ;)
Yesterday I turned the big 2-7, and it was a milestone year. 26 was the year I started to learn about myself.
I remember listening to other women only a few years older than I talk about finding themselves. Or that in your early twenties you haven’t discovered yourself. I never got that sentiment. I KNEW MYSELF. What were these people talking about, and why hadn’t they figured it out earlier like I had?
HA! Now I get it.
I feel like this past year made me a better person, which is what this life should be doing.
I feel more aware, but more focused on what matters. I feel more observant of others and have been listening more to what I can learn. I know I’m awesome and all, but if I only look to myself, I’m going to keep being a self-absorbed slob who is a people-pleaser and incapable of being on time. ;)
I’m going to learn from other people’s successes and failures. If I struggle in an area, I am going to seek help from those I love. I’m going to listen to my grandpa’s stories more. I’m going to pay close attention to my kids’ observations and let them teach me how to grow, instead of being so dang focused on teaching them. And even though my sister-in-law’s house is always clean, I’m going to stop being jealous and ask her what she can teach me. (yes, I’m looking at you, Bonnie)
At the start of year number 26, I went through a really tough time in my life. I had a disease (caused by undiscovered Crohn’s disease), that I only briefly mentioned. I have a pain tolerance, but it was bad. I didn’t want to blog. Things were tight and I was working almost every night of the week. I had waves of depression and spent those days crying. Getting mad at God. Being mad at every thing.
I had a breakthrough after mass one day, and “How Great Thou Art” came on. I love that song and the message, it makes me cry every time. It helped me get through the loss of my grandmother. God is great, he has a plan for us, and while it doesn’t seem like the plan is so great when we’re experiencing the build up, it ends up being wonderful. I still wondered why God had handed me this particular cross, but I was more accepting.
I can now see why. I have wasted so much time complaining and wallowing throughout my life (still do it) and I didn’t know how bad it could get. It can get bad. And 99% of the time, it’s NOT THAT BAD! Money problems, we can get through this all, we just have to adapt and change our ways. Which is tough cause I’m stubborn.
What else happened?
Adam was born, and he is amazing. I can’t believe he’s almost eight months old! Lily and Ben grew some more, and are developing their own little personalities. They play with each other, they’re fun, they say silly things in a serious tone, they do big people stuff now, they are both potty trained. It’s weird. And I love it.
We added hardwood floors. Got rid of a lot of clutter. Had more friends over. Doug got a new job.
I realized I have been spending my time talking and not listening.
Which makes it hard to write a blog post all about me. ;)
Everything is not sunshine and roses. I still need to work on a lot and getting off this computer right now to get my son some pants and lunch is a start. Did I mention I have gray hair now? I have gray hair now. Gee thanks, 26. But seriously.
26 was a good year,
and I have high hopes for 27. :)