white house black shutters

enjoy the everyday and embrace a simple life

When the Joy Outweighs the Struggles

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An upside down chair, smudged mirror, laundry basket full of misplaced stuff – this picture perfectly sums up our life these days. And oh yes, there’s something else in this picture. 🙂

On Friday, I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant with a sweet little girl, our 6th child. This pregnancy has been rough in many ways, but through it all, the joy has far outweighed the struggles.

I recently realized I hadn’t shared our wonderful news here on my *actual blog*. We told our family and friends in person very early on this time around, and it was so nice to tell each person rather than make a big announcement. Also nice to avoid the “what?! 6 KIDS???? You don’t look crazy?!” comments I knew were coming. 😉

I said something on my personal account and the @whitehouseblackshutters Instagram around 19 weeks. I planned to do a post like this one around that time and well, you know how life has been. It just didn’t happen. Much like those comments I thought were coming – we have been surrounded by positivity and haven’t gotten many. And if we did, I joked right back and let them know I was only partially crazy and this baby wasn’t the cause of that. Haha!

I will jump right in and tell you (because being curious isn’t a bad thing and I’m happy to share), yes, we knew about this before we moved.

For months before we conceived, I had been feeling like something was missing. Namely, someone.

It is hard to describe the feeling, but I would look around and think “WAIT … (pauses, counts) … Never mind, we’ve got everyone.” This isn’t just a one time thing, it happened often. I didn’t feel as if there was a gap needing to be filled, life felt so calm and fulfilled. But I felt like an actual someone was missing. When we found out for sure yes, I felt overjoyed and at peace.

The first 16 weeks or so when we were preparing for the move, I was practically comatose. I took naps every day, couldn’t live without coffee, and was so unbelievably tired and out of breath all the time. As the move approached, I felt a burst of energy. My good friend Melissa from Number 2 Pencil took these pictures when we were both in Utah for a brand sponsored trip with Cricut, a few days after we moved. At 19 weeks along, I felt amazing. Shortly after these were taken, we found out we were having a girl. I just couldn’t believe it!

Then things started to go downhill. A rare autoimmune issue I struggled with in 2011, sometimes triggered by pregnancy, had returned. It had been in remission for six years and for our last two pregnancies.

When it happens, my skin forms hard, non-itchy bumps. If left untreated, my immune system goes in overdrive and attacks itself. In 2011 (with Adam – kid #3), my lower legs were fully covered in large, painful ulcerations by the time I found a doctor who knew what was going on. With treatment they healed; when he was born, they went away completely.

In addition to the bumps, I was out of breath constantly, felt heart palpitations, achy all through my joints, had intense mood swings and depression, and the tiredness was back. I started having gut issues and went in to see my doctor who suspected inflammation may be the root cause. She put me on the autoimmune protocol way of eating (or AIP paleo, which focuses on eating non-inflammatory foods) to see if it helped.

It did. After day 6, most of my symptoms were gone. And around this point, I broke my foot (non-related, just a wobbly shoe and an old stone step). More bumps would come, I would feel super achy/emotional/depressed for a few days, the feelings would fade, and with it the bump would start healing. This happened a few more times but being on the AIP diet seemed to help things. I felt so good on it, I didn’t mind how annoying restricting my eating was. My foot healed. Then a few weeks ago I got a bump which would not. go. away. and put me in intense pain. I wanted to avoid going on large doses of steroids like before, but went into my original doctor and instead he’s treating it local to the bump. Two weeks from the finish line, it’s finally starting to heal.

Instead of praying for healing this whole time, I’ve been praying to feel gratitude, since I knew with gratitude would come acceptance. It has, and the other three have followed soon after. The joy I feel far outweighs the struggles. 

I’ve gone through many strong emotions, then guilt from those emotions. And more guilt because Doug, our kids, and our extended family have picked up the slack I could not bear. I’ve learned to do only what I can, and take the rest my body needs to take care of itself and this baby. And if things slip through the cracks, its okay, I just need to accept it. With the renovations nearing completion, we’re feeling settled and able to relax.

I would also appreciate any prayers you can send our way. For our family, our sweet little girl, that she continues to be okay and healthy, and for me, that we get through the upcoming weeks ahead and I can continue to heal. I will be offering up the struggles for you and your intentions. Thank you for your support of this blog, and just for being here to listen. I share my stories and projects not because I like to show them off, but to connect with you. To let you know you’re not alone. Because you let me know I’m not alone either.

We’ve been so blessed and can’t wait to embark on this new chapter in the story of our family. <3

Comments

  1. I stumbled across your blog looking for a waffle recipe to make for my daughter and her sleepover guests tomorrow morning…such a sweet blog I had to linger a bit. I’m a mother to five in Chicago and have felt the “are all our children here?” feeling before. Praying for you and your family during this blessed season.

  2. I relate so much to your post. I have 2 girls and with my second, I developed a horrible skin condition that also came with depression. It was rough but I knew it’d be temporary and, like you, that the benefits outweigh the struggle. This post makes me reflect and wonder if my second pregnancy caused a reaction in my inmune system. Anywho, sending lots of love, prayers, thoughts, and healing your way. God knows that if my hubby and I could manage, I’d have a few more babies! I love my babies so much and that love is addicting!

    • Congratulations on having 6 children. Growing up and in my early 20’s I always said I didn’t want children if I got married. Long story short, I met my husband who already had 2 children. Meeting him changed my mind and I had our daughter 1 year after we married. She completed our family. Now I have 6 grandchildren. Love them all.

  3. Thank you for sharing. May God continue to bless you as you birth this precious gift that God has given you. I will be praying for you and put you and your family on my prayer list. I thank you about what you said about gratitude, sometimes we look at the negative, and not at all our blessings. May God bless you as you grow your family.

  4. 6 sounds like a perfect #, congratulations! Love your attitude of gratitude, inspirational and so true. Powerful to live that way as a testimony to your little ones. Speaking health and peace over you and #6. I’m loving two girl names lately, Mercy and Zoe.

  6. A short girls name I have always loved is Eve. So simple and sounds quite and calming when you say it. Congratulations! I love big families! I am one of 7 and I also have 7! 4 I gave birth to and 3 we adopted! Being a mom is the most wonderful thing I can imagine in my life!

  7. The “missing someone” I went through that up until we had our last baby, #7. It’s just like you described, “Wait, huh?” Count kids, “Well, everyone is here…” After my 7th, I never had that feeling again. I’m thankful because this past year I had to have a hysterectomy and didn’t go through any of the grieving I know can be so common.

  8. Congrats! Sorry to hear about the health struggles. Autoimmune stuff is so tricky and picky. Glad you are getting close to delivery and ready to meet your baby girl. Enjoy the sweet baby moments.

  9. Congratulations! I have four children and got a lot of the same questions! Praying for healing for you and continued jou from your babies!

  10. I have six children and felt exactly the same way. After Kate arrived I thought, “Now we’re all here.”
    Congratulations!

  11. How wonderful! I hope things go smoothly and safely for you both as she comes to the outside! What delight to have a little baby again!

  12. Short girl name….Ada. My daughter and I have been working on genealogy lately and I have fallen in love with it. Or maybe Polly.

    As for six kids…that’s just awesome!! Wish my body would have cooperated for that number.

    Best of luck on delivery of a healthy baby girl and equally healthy momma. God bless you and your family.

  13. As the oldest of seven children (one of whom is waiting for us in heaven) I loved having so many sisters and brothers. I loved that when we went to the fair, Mama would dress us all alike (so blue and white checked shirts and blouses, for example) so that if one of us got lost, she could tell the police officer that the missing one matched the rest of us!

    And I love that I can ask my siblings for encouragement and that they can ask me for the same. And I truly love being an aunt to all of their children. And they feel the same way about my children. My youngest sister’s last child is barely older than my granddaughter and they have grown up together.

    I will, of course, pray for you and your family. I’m sorry that you have had health issues and rejoice that you had had two pregnancies in between without issues.

  15. Ann… I am so proud to call you my sister and couldn’t thank you enough for all of my beautiful nieces and nephews! You are an amazing woman and a witness to us all! I love you! ?

  16. Congratulations! I always wanted 6 children, but ended up with 4 wonderful children, now all in their 20s.
    I do hope your health issues will resolve after tge birth of this sweet baby.
    The days may be long, certainly young children are a lot of work, but so much joy! I think the older you get, the more thankful you even become fir more children. Blessings to you!

  17. oh dearie, you are so sweet and thats what comes through on your blog, never show-offy, and i’m so sorry to hear all you’ve been going through, pregnancy is such a crazy swirl of amazing, miraculous, and really hard – sending you a big hug! ps – my first girly was born dec 17, best christmas present ever. 🙂

  18. Good luck to you as you prepare for her arrival.
    I love your blog and hope you can keep us somewhat posted!
    What I learned about motherhood is that God loves these babies, and while pregnancy is rough and raising them is tough, God will always give us a way to get through it. And if we’re really present, these children can give us more happiness than we could ever imagine:).

  19. Congratulations! I totally know what you mean about someone missing. I felt the same before we had our 4th baby, who happens to be the only girl. You look so beautiful and it’s so good to know your priorities are straight! I had a rough time with my 4th pregnancy, I turned 40 and was overweight and had a low thyroid. I too found relief in a diet, for me it was low carb. Since then I’ve discovered some supplements that have been life changing! I’d love to talk to you about them if you’re interested! Prayers for your delivery and the transition afterward! <3 <3 <3

  20. Congratulations! Lifting up prayers of comfort, peace & health for you and your baby girl. My fiance has a rare auto immune disease as well called Granulomatosis with polyangiitis (also known as Wegeners). The struggle is real both physically and mentally. Trying to convince him it is ok to just be and to rest is difficult. Take care of you!

  21. Blessings on your new child! I am sorry you have this rare disease but glad the diet is helping. My husband has a rare cutaneous T-cell lymphoma. We always say it could be worse. It is all in learning to handle what your body is telling you. You are listening and that is good!

  22. Hoping the last weeks of your pregnancy will go smoothly for you and baby. I swear, people need to keep their opinions to themselves. You do you and enjoy that sweet family!

  23. Oh, my goodness, Ann Marie! I did not know you were expecting again! We don’t know each other, but I’ve been following you online for quite a while. This makes me inordinately happy for you! All that you have endured over the last months, and with such grace! I must admit to being a bit envious, as there are unlikely to be any more sweet, cuddly little ones at our house. So I will just wish you all the feelings of peace, joy, and fulfillment that the season can bring. Hope it is all sweet and peaceful in your world! Would it be OK if I share a holiday picture of our family with you? We are the absolute antithesis if sweet & peaceful!

    Marti

  24. Congratulations!! I am a mother of six as well and I know exactly what you mean about counting. My last was a bit rough and it was very humbling. I think God had to teach me to slow down and to stop trying to do everything on my own. I am praying for you! Feel better soon and enjoy these last few weeks.

  25. This was so honest, real and beautiful. Thank you for sharing your life with us! You also make one gorgeous pregnant lady!

  26. So sorry to hear how difficult it has been for you! 6 kids – that is simply amazing. Lots of well wishes coming your way.

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About Ann Marie

Ann Marie Heasley

Hello! My goal is to help you seek beauty in your everyday life. Here I’ll share my experiences and offer tips on how to simplify, seek beauty, create a home you enjoy, or declutter through my annual #40bagsin40days challenge.

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