A few weeks ago, I did something I promised myself I wouldn't do. I fell in love with a house. 
When we initially started this journey, I told myself I wouldn't start looking at homes because I knew what would happen. Doug agreed and wanted to focus on selling our house first.
You see, I suffer from an affliction called "Falling In Love With Every House Syndrome."
One house came along last January (before we even had ours for sale by owner!) and we took a look.
Awesome house. Just not perfect. But I still twisted it and turned it around in my head to make it perfect for us. We let it slip by and it went contingent. Wah wah. Cue Ann Marie moping and complaining.
So we put our house for sale by owner while my husband finished his real estate tests and certification and all that. Had a few showings, some promising, some offers, but nothing panned out.
Just as he became a realtor, we looked at another house. I drove through the neighborhood a few times beforehand, went through the pictures over and over, and even showed some friends and family. It needed a lot of work. But I told myself (and Doug) that if we got it for the right price, it would work. But it went contingent so we let it go and wah wah. Cue Ann Marie moping yet again.
We put our house for sale with Doug as our realtor about a month ago.
Then we found another house.
And we took a look, and oh snap. It was the one. I was 100% convinced. It oozed charm. It was beautiful and only needed us to do things we could handle. Things like moving walls and painting that were tedious but doable after time. It was move in ready and had huge bedrooms and walk in closets in every room and large family space and a four seasons room and on over and acre and oh wait... Am I rambling? Maybe. But it was pretty amazing.
We took another look and I drove past it every chance I could. The kids started to get excited too. We had originally started a half hour away but after seeing what we could afford in that area, we made the decision to stay close by. This house made us realize that we want to stay and be close to our friends, family, church, schools, farms, etc etc etc...
So we put in an offer.
And less than 24 hours later, we got a call. There was another offer and we both needed to give our highest and best before Friday.
So we raised our offer. And right before the deadline, raised it again.
Because gosh darn it, this house WAS PERFECT FOR US. We convinced ourselves of it. We prayed and told ourselves that it was in God's hands, that what's meant to be will happen and we wouldn't think twice after that. In excitement we told family and friends and asked for their prayers.
But right then, something else happened.
It's almost like a switch flipped on. I got to work remodeling everything in my head, I was picturing our stuff in the house. I looked up Tudor landscaping and paint combinations. I got excited at the thought of hydrangeas and peonies. I looked through our belongings with a new eye thinking about what I could let go of and what we would need for certain places in the house. I knocked out walls and installed new (but secondhand) windows. I painted cabinets and bought appliances and picked out the perfect pink curtains for Lily's room.
I fell in love with the after.
I fell in love with the before of the house and I fell in love with what it would become. What equity we could build. The little pretend future life we'd live there. The parties we'd throw and the food we'd gather over.
I didn't want someone else to have that before and after, I wanted it all for myself.
I didn't imagine the hard work and the painting and the dust and disturbed naps. Or the painting. Or living with it for three years because we are saving up for a project. And the painting. "Oh gosh my hand is going to fall off when am I ever going to be done painting!??!?!!?" Fast forward two weeks...
We didn't get the house.
They decided to go into negotiations with the other people. If things fall through they'll contact us, but judging by the home and everything else, I'm thinking that there isn't a big chance of that happening.
The day we found out, I moped. I got all crabby. I was snappy and acting like a little kid.
Wait, what the heck was I doing?!
I told myself that *God's will be done!" but secretly wanted Ann Marie's will be done. Right now, right then. As much as I said I was trusting Him, I wasn't. I was like an impatient, spoiled kid trying to sweet talk the parent into doing what they wanted. "Buuuuuut Gooooooood?!?!?! I want THIS house! I don't want another house. I want THIS HOUSE. I want it now!"
That needs to stop and it needs to stop right now.
We are not made for comfort. And while applying that beautiful phrase to my silly internal stuggles seems, well, silly, it is true.
We are not made for comfort. Everything is not going to go our way 100% of the way. Any time I have had a plan in mind and things changed, they have turned out for the better. And by better I mean absolutely completely amazing and wow, I would have never DREAMED things would turn out this well. I never would have imagined we'd have four awesome kids in six years of marriage. I never pictured us fixing up this house. Nor did I picture myself working from home and getting to meet and connect with all of you. Or heading an organizing challenge and getting excited about garbage bags of crap.
We've had ups and downs and "oh crap, what are we going to do" situations. We've had really hard times. We've had serious sicknesses. But things have worked out and out of that uncomfortable-ness, the pain, has come beautiful things.
Things could always be worse and they could always be better. Instead of worrying, it's time we get uncomfortable and let it makes us great.
Please don't tell me you're sorry it didn't work out.
Because I'm not sorry. It's a silly thing to be upset about so I'm going to stop thinking about it. Bedrooms, yard, ehhhh whatever. I will be happy in just about any home that I get to share with my family.
And I won't stop falling in love with homes...
but I'm going to try to reign myself in and stop being silly about it. 😉
Ann Marie Heasley
I'm going to pray that everything works out for ya! It's especially hard when you start picturing your beautiful story taking a turn through the house. All the best to you, thank you for taking the time to write this. It brought tears to my eyes. God Bless!
PS. To me (a born and raised Catholic), Lent is simply a period of sacrifice. Sure we don't eat meat on Fridays, on holy days we do a bit of fasting, and otherwise strive to be more prayerful and go to services outside of just Sundays. But past that, I try to just live my life being the best person I can be and throw in a bit of sacrifice and things I don't want to do. Which is where the 40 bags in 40 days came in, hahaha! If you have any other questions, please email me at [email protected] and I'll do my best to answer em!
Hilary
We did the same thing. We found this perfect little house and put in an offer and we ready to move forward. And then the seller's countered with some random number that was out of the park (like $20k off). We had to let it go, but as it turned out, my parents needed someone to rent out their house (that was much larger and much nicer and about half the price), which I'm sure was God's plan all along. And then we found out that the people who did buy the house had a break-in like 2 weeks later. God knew what he was doing!! But definitely keep dreaming - it's so much fun. 🙂
Ann Marie Heasley
AHHHHH!!! I'm glad you weren't broken into and that things worked out! You're right, the dreaming IS the fun part. And to quote Miley, I can't stop and I won't stop. 😉
Cheryl @ The Creative Me and My McG
OMG - this is sooooooooo me!! We had been looking at houses for over a year and the hubby and I could never agree...I would spend hours re-decorating each one in my head to make sure it would work. We lost out on a really good one in a different neighbourhood and were crushed. However, just two weeks later my sister-in-law told me that they were ready for a condo and would be selling their home...it checked off every one of our boxes...so we bought it - in our current neighbourhood so we don't have to move away from our friends...things happen for a reason!!
Ann Marie Heasley
*LIKE*
But no, seriously. That's so wonderful!! Things do happen for a reason, your comment gives me a bit more hope. 😉
Kari Collins
Great post! Everthing will work out in God's time.
Ann Marie Heasley
Thank you, Kari! You're so right. 🙂
Deme @ House For Five
I can't even think of how many times I've said, "OK God, your will be done..I completely trust you" while secretly holding on to my little plan or my idea of what "of course God will do". Which He almost never does 🙂 And you're right. What He does work in the most unusual of ways (to us) is always so much better than we could have planned. We just landed in a totally new state (Ohio), far from family with our 4th baby on the way, and with more changes coming for the next school year. I never would have envisioned ourselves here, but His blessings have been around every turn. Thanks for sharing this and for the reminder of that awesome Pope Benedict quote....can't wait to see how God fits all the pieces together for you guys!
Jess McGurn
Thanks for this. I feel you. We bought our dream house that was in the "before" stage, and then decided to adopt instead of do our addition. I am so joyful for the little girl that God is adding to our family, but also am mourning the "after" that I had in my mind. I am trying to be content with the after being a long ways off but once you let your heart get set on something it is sure hard to go back. Thank you for your reminders today. I also LOVED and shared the article on envy that you linked to.
Ann Marie Heasley
Jess, congratulations on your sweet little girl! You describe it perfectly, it does feel like mourning. I'm praying that something better comes along. Glad you liked that article!! I feel like things come along RIGHT when I need to hear them. It's good to know I'm not alone in needing to hear that. 😉
Ann Marie Heasley
It can. Hugs and prayers, sweet friend!
Mandy
Yep, my husband remembers it too, we loved the yard and peeked in the windows (it was vacant! and the realtor never arrived or something....) We too were looking before our house was sold. 🙂
Ann Marie Heasley
And I needed to read what you just wrote!! So true. Thanks, Katie. 🙂
Alyson
Katie, my comment would echo yours, all too often I wallow in my own misery, forgetting that God's plan may not look quite like the plan I had in mind
Ann Marie Heasley
Yes. So good to see I am not the only wallower. Isn't it crazy that it normally ends up better than we thought? And if not better, then that thing led to other things that are better? I'm rambling, but know that you're in my mind and things will work out. Hugs!
Ellen
We are going through the exact. same. thing. right now. Our house is on the market - we're patiently waiting for offers and praying that the right buyer comes when the time is right (which of course really means ASAP) - and trying to "look without really looking" at houses so I don't have nightmares about the house that got away before we could sell ours. Thank you for this important reminder today: I will be happy in just about any home that I get to share with my family!
Ann Marie Heasley
"when the time is right (which of course really means ASAP)"
THIS. Exactly, LOL.
Best of luck to you all. You're right, you will be happy. And it will come along! Now if it came along soon... (there I go again, haha) Keep me posted on how it goes, Ellen! Big big hugs. 🙂
Mandy
Oh my I totally have FILWEH Syndrome and I could swear we looked at the house in this picture in 2009...
Ann Marie Heasley
ahhh, that would be crazy if it was the same one!! In western IL?