I’ve tossed around this post for a while now and then kinda cram it back into my head. Because it sounds like complaining and I’m totally opening up and well, that makes me uncomfortable. 🙂
What is it? It’s when you’re blinded by a perfect vision of how things should be, when that “perfect” is not quite attainable. I look at the mound of laundry staring me down or the kitchen full of dishes. I think about the craft projects and learning activities I SHOULD be doing with my kids. I am on social media, see other amazing bloggers, and think, “wow, they are awesome. Why can’t I do that?” And then I think, what the heck, why are you still on the computer? I look around at my home and see “not quite good enough”.
I hate feeling this feeling, because it feels ungrateful. It feels like I’m unsatisfied. Maybe I am unsatisfied and don’t want to admit it. I know I need to keep praying about it. THIS? This is not normal. I want you to know that it took me over a week to shoot the pictures for this reveal post because I couldn’t quite get my kitchen AND dining room clean at the same time to take this one picture. 🙂
But when I see this picture, I don’t see a clean kitchen. I’m blinded by the “after”.
You know, painting cabinets, painting trim, adding in some colorful accessories… yada yada yada.
I’ve talked about falling in love with the after and it seems like many of you do that too, but the problem with that “after” is that it blinds. I see what I want to do with a space. And then I feel like I won’t be happy until the “after” is here. The “current” is not good enough.
Well, to be fair, this is kind of a hot mess. 😉
BUT. This really isn’t that messy for us, lol. We just moved in. We live here. And we = four small kids and two adults. I don’t have a handle on organization and it took me a long time to do that in the old house. Man, this post sounds like a lot of excuses.
But even when I see this room clean, I think about the fireplace makeover I’d like to tackle. I think about how we really need to mount the TV because 16 month old Luke keeps touching it (and freaking me out!!!). We need to build some shelves so that the DVDs aren’t constantly strewn across the room. Man, we could use some new throw pillows. Maybe a new light fixture. And maybe a soft ottoman because heads keep getting bumped.
And so on… and so on… and so on…
I don’t see a stairway of lights that made my kids freak out with joy. I don’t see a stairway that leads to two huge bedrooms and a second (a second!!! Hallelujiah!!) bathroom. I don’t see the gorgeous room that we just finished peeking out.
I see railings that I’d like to paint. A brass chandelier that I’d like to paint.
A “boob light” upstairs that I’d like to replace. Clothes at the top of those stairs that need to be put away and/or bagged for donation. And oh wait, a runner would be nice too so we don’t fall down those stairs any more. Christmas card wall – wait, we need to take a picture. And send Christmas cards. HA! Would that lady from the facebook resale site who wanted the rug I cropped out of the picture come and pick it up already? I really don’t want to lug it to the basement…
Oh gosh, the basement. Never mind the basement, I don’t even want to walk in that dining room. Or kitchen. Because dishes. (insert “oh the horror” emoticon here)
I’m trying to ignore it. My silly ideas of perfection need to disappear. I need to put them into a Pinterest board and call it a day. I’m trying to redirect my focus to what really matters. And also trying to keep my calm when someone gets into the freezer and is eating ice cream behind my back as I type this.
I will always be a work in progress. This house will always be a work in progress.
But this nagging unrealistic perfectionism isn’t helping and I’d like to tell it to go away.