I've tossed around this post for a while now and then kinda cram it back into my head. Because it sounds like complaining and I'm totally opening up and well, that makes me uncomfortable. 🙂
Unrealistic Perfectionism
What is it? It's when you're blinded by a perfect vision of how things should be, when that "perfect" is not quite attainable. I look at the mound of laundry staring me down or the kitchen full of dishes. I think about the craft projects and  learning activities I SHOULD be doing with my kids. I am on social media, see other amazing bloggers, and think, "wow, they are awesome. Why can't I do that?" And then I think, what the heck, why are you still on the computer? I look around at my home and see "not quite good enough".
I hate feeling this feeling, because it feels ungrateful. It feels like I'm unsatisfied. Maybe I am unsatisfied and don't want to admit it. I know I need to keep praying about it. 
THIS? This is not normal. I want you to know that it took me over a week to shoot the pictures for this reveal post because I couldn't quite get my kitchen AND dining room clean at the same time to take this one picture. 🙂
But when I see this picture, I don't see a clean kitchen. I'm blinded by the "after".
You know, painting cabinets, painting trim, adding in some colorful accessories... yada yada yada.
I've talked about falling in love with the after and it seems like many of you do that too, but the problem with that "after" is that it blinds. I see what I want to do with a space. And then I feel like I won't be happy until the "after" is here. The "current" is not good enough.
Well, to be fair, this is kind of a hot mess. 😉
BUT. This really isn't that messy for us, lol. We just moved in. We live here. And we = four small kids and two adults. I don't have a handle on organization and it took me a long time to do that in the old house. Man, this post sounds like a lot of excuses.
But even when I see this room clean, I think about the fireplace makeover I'd like to tackle. I think about how we really need to mount the TV because 16 month old Luke keeps touching it (and freaking me out!!!). We need to build some shelves so that the DVDs aren't constantly strewn across the room. Man, we could use some new throw pillows. Maybe a new light fixture. And maybe a soft ottoman because heads keep getting bumped.
And so on... and so on... and so on...
I don't see a stairway of lights that made my kids freak out with joy. I don't see a stairway that leads to two huge bedrooms and a second (a second!!! Hallelujiah!!) bathroom. I don't see the gorgeous room that we just finished peeking out.
I see railings that I'd like to paint. A brass chandelier that I'd like to paint.
A "boob light" upstairs that I'd like to replace. Clothes at the top of those stairs that need to be put away and/or bagged for donation. And oh wait, a runner would be nice too so we don't fall down those stairs any more. Christmas card wall - wait, we need to take a picture. And send Christmas cards. HA! Would that lady from the facebook resale site who wanted the rug I cropped out of the picture come and pick it up already? I really don't want to lug it to the basement...
Oh gosh, the basement. Never mind the basement, I don't even want to walk in that dining room. Or kitchen. Because dishes. (insert "oh the horror" emoticon here)
I'm trying to ignore it. My silly ideas of perfection need to disappear. I need to put them into a Pinterest board and call it a day. I'm trying to redirect my focus to what really matters. And also trying to keep my calm when someone gets into the freezer and is eating ice cream behind my back as I type this.
I will always be a work in progress. This house will always be a work in progress.
But this nagging unrealistic perfectionism isn't helping and I'd like to tell it to go away.
Linda
I love love love this post. So very true and a big source of stress and anxiety for me personally. I spent 6 hours cleaning just the other day and the place looked great, but all I could focus on was the bits I hadn't got round to. I find it quite sad that my own expectations are so high for myself that I'll never achieve them without sacrificing other things that I'm just not prepared to do, like spending time with my kids to just play or relax. Your honesty is very refreshing and is what makes your blog so real and inspiring 🙂
Kelly
Just found your blog and am reading through lots of your posts, Excited to follow!~ Can relate so much to this post and so many others, thanks for sharing! 🙂
Mary
Thank you for sharing this post. I cannot tell you how much I appreciated your honesty. I felt like I was reading my own thoughts! I feel like I often have a mental battle between what I'd like to do but can't seem to get to & being content with things as they are in this moment. It's nice to know I am not alone in this struggle.
Corinne
Great post! I have had the same inner dialog again and again. Your home is beautiful, functional and I appreciate your authenticity as a mom and blogger.
Thank you for posting!
http://www.lasalledesignblog.com
Heidi
OH MY GOSH ARE YOU INSIDE MY HEAD,!!!! I've NEVER had anyone understand this!! I live it everyday!! And then when you go to your friends house and it looks like a BH&G layout , every time, I get even more upset with myself and keep asking "what's wrong with me! Why can't I get it together!" Where do these unrealistic perfectionism ideas come from? I think your right....I need to pray for God to help me overcome this continual self abuse! Thank you sooooo much for being honest! You really helped this messy mom!!!
Jocelyn
Thank you for this post! It is so easy to think that we should have everything perfect all of the time. I really struggle with this and find that I am unhappy a lot of the time. It is so easy to think that other people really do things better than I do and it is nice to be reminded that we are all normal. Thank you for reminding me!!
Leah
I loved your post - it reflects what I think most of us feel daily. However, I have to say, as amazing as your house is, my favorite photo in your post is the one of the train set up. Why - because it shows the creativity of your children, who have the time and space to create such a work of art. How many families can say that in this day and age? Thank you!
Kristin
Thank you for being honest. That was well said and I completely relate to the feeling!
Lynda M Otvos
Thanks for kind encouragement; it's certainly not the easiest choice to make in the face of neighborhood pressure and community standards but it can be done relatively tastefully. We planted tons of trees and fruit producers both in the ground and in raised boxes: apples, olives, blueberries, strawbabies, cherries, squash, lemon cukes, tomatoes, poppies, roses, queen palm, decorative pear, boxwood, weeping copper beech, cedar of two varieties... These beauties help keep the neighbors and the HOA from giving us too much trouble about not weed wacking or trimming along the sidewalk edges. As does sharing the bounty which always exceeds our ability to consume it. (except the cherries, they are hard to share til the tree gets bigger !)
Yay for all these well-thought comments and discussion around this issue. Thanks for opening the door.
Lynda M Otvos
Letting go of what I thought I wanted in my home was one of the most liberating things I ever did for myself. I look around and don't see what we Could or Should but what we are living now and hearing from so many friends that we are the happiest couple they know. That eliminates all the "house proud" necessity and allows me to concentrate on the most important items in my life-loved ones, pushing the swing til my arm feels numb or he has had enough-which seldom happens !~! We strive for that which will not keep us happy anyway-tidy kitchen and no toys strewn about... Later we miss the cacophony and wonder where the decades have gone.
Super post, great revelations; thanks for sharing and opening the way for others to see themselves too.
carol
Lynda, a wise and lovely post. Loved 'house-proud' and 'push the swing until my arm goes numb'. 🙂
Guerrina
Your house is lived in and loved in...that's what counts! When I lived alone, my house was "perfect". Now with my son and grandson here it is lived and loved in!
Andrea W.
This is the reason why I have not started a blog. I can't make it work because all I see in my 12 year old house are all of the things that are worn out and not so lovely anymore. Not only do I feel the same way about my house as you do, but I know I made the right choice to follow your blog after I read your post on the Elf on the Shelf. We see eye to eye and I feel that I have found someone who understands my crazy way of thinking. Thank you for helping my realize I am not alone in my quest for satisfaction/perfectionism.
Lenora
Girlfriend- It feels like a mental illness for me sometimes! It's so frustrating for me because I KNOW better! I know it's infinitely better for me to play with my kids than to put on another episode of Daniel Tiger so I can ( insert totally adorable but unneeded project here). Does it drive your husband nuts? I know mine has to always bring me back down to normal when I start to develop a nervous tick because I'm obsessing over the imperfections/huge lists of things I want to fix around house . Ok I would write a novel- but just know you're so in good company. Cut yourself some slack...your realness always helps me do that.
Laura
Thank you for your honesty! I think a lot of us struggle with this. I know I do! I have to remind myself all the time that there is beauty in the imperfect. I am trying to embrace it! We have to remember what truly matters, people. Not things. You were brave to write this, it helps us all. Together we can all embrace the imperfect beauty all around us! <3
Brenda
You are not alone. My husband and I bought a fixer upper last year. My husband is doing all the work himself (mostly). And with two little boys, ages 7 and 5, things get pretty chaotic (but I don't need to explain that to you!) We replaced all the windows so I sit looking at bare 2x4's and OSB and cracking plaster that constantly crumbles on the inside of all of my rooms. As I spend time on Pinterest and Blogs, I start to get that discontent feeling too. You know, things aren't moving quick enough, the clutter and the mess is driving me crazy, no where to put anything, and Wow! Why is everything so expensive??? I just try to take it one day at a time. Perfection should be a four letter word. I am glad that you wrote this post. There are so many of us girls that are right there with you! God Bless.
Angie
Thank you for this post. This is one of my biggest struggles. I used to be able to paint and decorate a room in a day, two tops. I've always been bad at keeping up with the daily stuff, like laundry, paperwork, dishes. But now that I have two under two, it's been a nightmare to keep up with. We moved the day my first born turned one, and I was 6 months pregnant. In almost two years, I have painted TWO ROOMS, and even that is not complete (woodwork needs ANOTHER coat). The window treatments are nonexistent. The basement is FULL of stuff I can't even get to. My second born is sleeping in an unfinished office that doubles as a junk room (if he starts to climb out of his crib we're in deep doo-doo). And I'm still horrible at the daily chores. But I also just got diagnosed with an enlarged heart, after several days of an irregular heartbeat. This may be due to some blood pressure issues...which in part, I believe, are due to anxiety and stress. Some of which I guarantee is from worrying about the "After" that I can't even fathom how to get to without losing the precious little sleep I barely get, or the money we don't make because I'm home with my boys. I'M HOME WITH MY BOYS. That needs to be enough, because that, alone, is amazing.
Sarah
"And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." (East of Eden)
Tracey
My favorite fortune cookie ever- "House done, time to die".
Sarah
Such a good line!
carol
Oh I love that! My family has referred to me as 'Winchester Woman'...the crazy lady who believed that as long as she kept workers busy 24/7/365 'improving' her enormous mansion, she would not die. Lived 25 yrs in one house, improvements always happening. Paint, wallpaper, flooring, added on to the rear of house, changed smallest bdrm into guest bath and walk-in closet, on and on. Almost done? Oh, let's have a pool and jacuzzi dug! FINALLY got it just the way I wanted and guess what...I got a divorce and had to sell the house! Ironic. Two years later, bought myself a condo. Here we go again. Have now lived here 23 years. Have done SO much, including gutting the kitchen and getting a new custom one, designed by ME and just the way I want it. Redid the large yard. Crown molding. Wide baseboards. Recessed lighting. Built-in bookcases. Much much more. Almost done... both bathrms need updating, and I want to replace all of the interior slab doors with panel doors, but that should be it for awhile (except for paint, which always needs doing SOMEwhere). But wait... here's the good part! About a month ago a seismic change occurred, unbidden by me. All of a sudden I stopped CARING so much. (WHAT?? I knoooow!) I can spend an entire day and evening on the couch watching TV without feeling much guilt. I can say, 'Maybe I'll do it tomorrow', and be OK with it. The forward motion has ceased and I can stay longer in the Now, in the Present. I tell this to all of you to give you some hope, but then, I am 73 yrs old.... and it took all of my life to reach this peaceful part. It is still a strange feeling to be finally FREE, without the house 'driving' me on. It's really difficult when you are a young family, and when there is never enough money. I lived through all of that and now I am on the other side, and I am loving it. Hang in there, just keep plugging. All that you do, matters.
Tracie
I. Hear. Ya. I wrote about this last year too.....sort of:) http://cleverlyinspired.com/2013/12/my-holiday-house-tour-and-a-bit-o-blog-stuff/
Marilou (your moma)
I will never forget saying to Mike N our neighbors (whose children are all grown) that some day Mike your going to pop in here and the place will be spot less,and thenyour dad telling him, dont hold your breath that is NEVER going to happen. I wanted to die. They all laughed, and my spirit broke. I am the same way honey, you must get it from me. I am trying so hard, to go through stuff, and keep going through stuff. There is just so many hours in the day. AND like me you realize what is possible, but what is important. YOUR job as a moma, is so more important then anything that needs painting. AND I also limited projects to spring and fall, winter was for small things, organizing drawers etc, BUT paint projects were spring clean ups etc. Summer was for fun and outside projects and then fall for all the projects to get through till winter came, my advice, box up crap like movies, and move them out of sight....till after christmas.
Laura Khederian
LOL....didn't know others called them "boob lights" too!! DH and I were at our favorite home supply store looking for a new hall fixture this past weekend, and asked ourselves whether lighting designers realized that 85% of the product they design looks like a giant boob hanging from the ceiling. We ended up buying one from our other favorite home supply store that didn't have a nipple - it looks great!
I'm with you on the unrealistic expectations, though, and I am plenty old enough to know better.... 🙂
Desiree
I do the same thing! We have been in our house for 2 years and there is so much to tackle! It is so overwhelming. We still have a million projects but I try really hard to focus on what I have done.