I’m tired, I’m not DIY-ing much, or posting much. Most of what I feel like doing involves this:
Sitting in a recliner, getting up to play with kids, take them potty, feed them, get drinks, or change diapers.
And eating, don’t forget that.
For some reason, I feel like a crochety old lady when I complain and think that you don’t want to hear about my struggles and I don’t want to be a negative Joan.
I’m 39 weeks along.
I’m really tired. I also feel like saying that makes me feel like the lady-who-thinks-she-is-the-first-person-ever-to-be-pregnant. Except I’ve been pregnant 3 other times.
I don’t think this is the most tired I’ve been. And I’m sure I was uncomfortable the last few times around. But I’m tired.
And it’s hot. So I’m staying inside. Except for Tuesdays when Lily has gymnastics and other days when we run out of milk.
I’ve lost my temper more times than I’d like and I’m kinda moody . Because hearing two kids whine and fight with each other and then yell at you while you’re having a contraction is kinda not fun. Same goes for having a 19 month old that likes to laugh at no and climb onto stuff he shouldn’t be climbing on. Please pray for me that I keep my calm. :)
Things could be worse, and knowing that brings on that dang mom guilt because I really have no reason to be crabby.
I’ve had quite a few contractions, two nights in the last week where I thought for sure it was time (last night was one of them). Both nights I realized how nervous I am about all of this. I know people think I know what I’m doing, but I don’t. This is just as scary the fourth time as it was first, maybe even more so because I know what is going to happen. There’s no turning back, it’s going to hurt, and I can’t control it all.
Is that what’s freaking me out? The fact that we can’t control it? No matter how great of a pregnancy I’ve had or prior births I’ve had, things can go wrong, every experience is different, I can’t tell whether he is going to be here today or tomorrow or in five days and just how the experience will pan out. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT NAME WE SHOULD PICK!!! Eeks. Poor nameless kid. Maybe I should try out the random name generator, or "Seven" like Doug has suggested every other time (thanks, George Costanza).
All I know is that it has to happen. And at the end of the day, we’ll have another member of the family. And I’ll forget every little bit of uncomfortable that I was and focus on that sweet, little baby. See the love my kids have for him (hopefully. for now.).
All I can do is pray, ask you to pray for me (us), and tell you that I will return the favor. :)
Are you feeling crabby?
Here’s a post on how to be crabby and have a bad day, the right way
and here’s one on 31 Ways to Stop Having a Bad Day
Yes, I do realize I should probably read those right now. But I worry that I might try to give myself a dirty look. ;)
edited to add:
read this: We Are Each Other’s Keepers (thanks Jen for the share!) It’s really, really good.